A student blows up at a teacher, drops the F-bomb. The usual approach at Lincoln – and, safe to say, at most high schools in this country – is automatic suspension. Instead, Sporleder sits the kid down and says quietly: “Wow. Are you OK? This doesn’t sound like you. What’s going on?”
He gets even more specific: “You really looked stressed. On a scale of 1-10, where are you with your anger?” The kid was ready. Ready, man! For an anger blast to his face….”How could you do that?” “What’s wrong with you?”…and for the big boot out of school. But he was NOT ready for kindness.
The armor-plated defenses melt like ice under a blowtorch and the words pour out: “My dad’s an alcoholic. He’s promised me things my whole life and never keeps those promises.” The waterfall of words that go deep into his home life, which is no piece of breeze, end with this sentence: “I shouldn’t have blown up at the teacher.” Whoa.” —
what a radical idea yo
You mean actually listening to people’s underlying issues make them act out less. Whoda thunk it.
And I’m crying. Kindness makes me cry more than meanness. Nothing makes any sense.
Stephen King’s Op Ed: “Tax Me, for Fuck’s Sake!”
Soooo much more respect for Stephen King now! I’m almost willing to forget that his movie “It” gave me constant nightmares and ruined my childhood
Lesley Kinzel (via curvesahead)
I just want to nail this to every stable surface I can find. I cannot count the amount of times that I’ve seen fat folks being encouraged, cajoled, and even forced into behaviors that would be recognized as disordered eating/exercising patterns in thin folks.
Pretty much everything that’s done on shows like The Biggest Loser would be called out as pro-ana/pro-orthorexia in a thin person. Exercising past the point that it hurts, to the point where you’re throwing up, even injuring yourself? Berating yourself because you didn’t lose ENOUGH weight this week? Constantly talking about how fat is weakness and thinness will make everything better, about how you can’t stand to be your current weight anymore? Emphasis on weight as a sign of how much control, strength, and worth you have? Viewing food as bad, as a temptation to sin? Constant sharing and talking about tips on how to minimize food intake, how to lose weight?
That sounds exactly like every pro-ana/pro-mia blog I’ve ever seen. It’s also what fat people are told we need to be doing to ourselves until we’re thin.
Oh, absolutely. Biggest dicks on the planet, us pro-choice people.
But, truthfully, I tend to get just a little bit irritated when I’m basically being told that I’m nothing more than a human incubator, and that a fetus that can’t feel, cannot survive outside the womb, has no cognitive thinking ability, and may not even be humanoid in shape has more rights than I do. I also get irritated when I see laws passed that allow medical doctors to LIE to their pregnant patients when it comes to abortion and what happens during and after it, should they so choose. Or when laws are passed forcing women to get a vaginal ultrasound before they can get an abortion.
I get rather annoyed when “pro-life” people tell me that, should I find myself in a position where I would have an abortion, they would remove my choice in the matter and force me to be pregnant, no matter what the circumstances of conception.
And this makes me do things like pull out facts to combat the misinformation constantly spread about abortion, and actively work to defend my right to do what is best for me with my body, even if you don’t agree with it.
But that’s me. Just a giant dick.
Actually, I can kind of understand this a little. JUST A LITTLE THOUGH AND HERE’S WHY.
I’m considered thin by fat folks.
I’m considered “thick/chubby/*various words for not-skinny*” by thin folks.
I’m considered downright obese by REALLY thin folks (my aunt, to be specific).
The thing, is, I’m not thin. I’m not fat. I’m stuck in the middle of thin and fat. I identify with certain fat folk issues because I’m not twig thin, but I also identify with certain thin folk issues because I’m not any larger than I am.
I still get the “Lose weight fatty!” comments from people on occasion, I also get the “BUT YOU’RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO FAT!” comments from other people.
So, for those of us that are in that mid section of the weight spectrum, it can be a liiiitttllee confusing.
However: Their attitude with the whole “Please tell me the sience of what body is a thin body” part strikes a nerve. Like, it just comes off as sarcastic, and I get the feeling that they’re like “I’M SO NOT SKINNY SO I’M NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.”/ignoring privilege. So, yeah.
I’ll stop now.
I understand what you’re saying. I think it’d be really cool if there were more people to talk about average-bodied/inbetweenie politics.
I want to make it clear that in our society, no one is safe from body-shaming or policing. That doesn’t mean, however, that thinness isn’t privileged.
For instance, with clothing options:
- thin people can find clothes anywhere
- inbetweenies have more trouble, and clothes may fit awkwardly, but they still fit.
- there are fat people who literally cannot find clothes in any public venue and must resort to shopping online, and even then, the clothes are poorly made, matronly, and overpriced.
But yeah! Things to think about.
Yup, I’m one of those people who has to buy clothes online. I used to buy men’s shirts because they generally come in larger sizes, but the curvier I became, the worse they fit. Now there’s pretty much only two places I can buy decent clothes - one place has the undergarments, the other has the jeans and t-shirts. And while we’re talking about this, do you know how fucking hard it is to find a plain fucking t-shirt when you’re a plus-sized woman? Seriously. All I want is a comfortable, stretchy, crew-neck t-shirt, and there is ONE store on the planet that sells them for a decent price, and even then they’re so shoddily made that the crew necks stretch out to scoop necks in a matter of months. Not to mention the fact that if I try a new shirt and it doesn’t fit right or I just plain don’t like it, I have to fucking pay shipping to return it and wait three weeks if I do an exchange.
All I want is to wear decent clothes, for fuck’s sake.
Because I’m feeling like a massive dork right now.
Elle Canada asked me to write something for their magazine, so I went to my friend Sophia Rossi for advice as to what was in “Elle Canada.” She said, “Ben, you should write fake horoscopes.” So I did…and here they are. Enjoy and thank you to Sophia for the advice and Susan for showing me that this craziness was actually printed. Click on the photo below to see the horoscopes in higher resolution.
… but aren’t all horoscopes fake horoscopes?
Unplug yourself from the notion that ‘too’ fat is bad or unhealthy. BMI is bullshit. Health ≠ the number on the scale!
Per the abstract, the healthy habits tracked were
- eating 5 or more fruits and vegetables daily
- exercising regularly
- consuming alcohol in moderation
- not smoking
But I looked in the mirror and there’s nothing there. It might be a scratch.
Or it might be that an insect laid eggs on my eye and now there’s an itty bitty larva boring into the sclera.